Mama besties are the best. Mum friends are there for each other but some mums take some time to find this out. In social media there are often articles shared in news feeds about how new mums are lonely. How they are in need of adult interaction.
When I became pregnant the first time I was at a point in my life where I didn’t feel the need to hold on too tight to friendships. I was extremely happy to have found the man I would spend the rest of my life with. And so my focus was on beginning a family and creating more happiness for our future together. I concentrated on our marriage and our pregnancy. Some friends were still in the picture. But it was a few months into my new role in motherhood where I started to shut people out.
I myself wasn’t lonely as a first time mum. Rather I was engrossed with the change in my daily life that was having my first baby and my choice to be a stay home mum. I was concerned about every little aspect of caring for him the best way I believed I could. Advice was hauled at me from so many different avenues and I let it overwhelm me to the point where I stopped listening to anybody. Not even my own family. I would leave people to speak but I wouldn’t necessarily take things on board if I didn’t like what I was hearing. To avoid hearing so much I kept to myself – a lot!
Looking back at the past isn’t always a good thing. But there are times where it helps to remind us of life experiences that are actually reasons as to why we are who we are. My attitude as a first time mum was very defensive. I built a wall to protect myself from a lot of people including my mum and my sisters. I chose to share the bare minimal with them. It wasn’t often that I did communicate with them at all. This was all due to having felt that I lost my connection with them since the time I became a newlywed. And they didn’t push themselves onto me during my pregnancy as I thought they would.
Now that I have made changes in my life and I try to empathise rather than sympathise I acknowledge how much I have made myself miss out on with my mama besties.
Earlier this week on Instagram I posted about mama besties and in it I sent a message to my mum and sisters. I hope they know how much I appreciate their parts in my life and I hope I get more chances to show them my appreciation. Even though I started my motherhood journey in stubbornness and wanting everything ‘My Way’ I now realise that they had an impact on what shaped me into the woman I became before becoming a mother.
Of my other mama besties that I shut out of my life in the beginning is my late mother-in-law. I enjoyed every little moment we spent together during my pregnancy. But a couple of months after the birth of my first boy I started to avoid hearing anymore suggestions she had for me unless I had a question. I edged myself into a shell and our chats were limited to those initiated by her only. We still spent lots of time together but when I look back at it, it really wasn’t enough. I wish I had made more time and I’d had an open mind like I did at the start of our relationship. I wish she was still here so we could make more memories. But sadly I know some wishes can’t come true.
My next mention is a dear friend I’ve known since high school. As with all my other high school friends we lost contact with each other soon after completing our final year of education. We caught up again about 9 years ago with a few other girls. We still didn’t keep in touch enough over the next few years. But this mama bestie tried reaching out to me many times. Each time we met up it felt as though the distance was never there.
But then I let myself build a wall to shut her out and quite a few other friends also. I used physical location and lack of free time as my excuse. Earlier this year we had a phone session that neither of us was expecting. By the end of it I felt like the distance had never been there and it was like we still knew each other well. I need to finish off this post with a special note to her…
“Dear Mama Bestie,
You were the one that I needed to give me the push into opening up my heart again without being afraid of hurt. You have willingly offered me guidance and an ear to listen to even when you have so much more on in your own life. You’re my accidental mentor that I’m grateful to have crashed into my life again. I hope that this time it’s forever!
Curvy Mummy Bestie”