The past week has been one where I wish I could’ve changed so much. My mood has been awful. I have the determination to succeed still. But I’m not implementing it. My will to continue with this fitness journey is there but only just hanging by a thread. So what about motivation? It’s there, but certainly not as much as I know I need it to be. I’m questioning myself, can I really do this? I’m not proud to tell you right now that I’m experiencing a strong sense of self-doubt.
What is self-doubt? To me it’s when you don’t believe in yourself. It’s when you worry about how others see you. Or it’s how you let yourself think about how others see you. It’s when you set yourself goals that are all for the future. And you don’t think about the goals that you need just for the present. You get all worked up about the time that is so far from now and you forget about living for today.
I found this inspirational quote a little while ago as I was doing the daily scroll through Instagram. I saved it because I knew that I may need it one day to get me out of a roadblock. As I’m thinking of it I’m still actually doing what it’s telling me not to.
Are you talking yourself out of your dreams? Self doubt is something we all have to deal with. Before I changed careers (both times) I had thoughts like "it will take way too long", "I don't have enough time to add something else onto my plate", I don't have the money to spend on the course I need to take", "the people having success in that field are lucky, I'm sure it wouldn't be that easy for me", "I'm too old to make a career change now." ⠀ .⠀ These are all BS. I'm so glad I acknowledged them and moved forward anyway. I never would have experienced 7 amazing years in the nonprofit world or started my own business. I would still be stuck in that meaningless career that dragged me down every day. ⠀ . What self-doubts are you having? I'd be honored for you to share them with me ???⠀ ⠀
Erica Carrico has a marvelous way with words. This quote as above resonates with me so much at this point in time. All of Erica’s quotes aren’t just published leaving you to work them out for yourself. Having a read over and over again of Erica’s caption I realise that this past week I’ve fallen into all of the traps she suggests to avoid. I’m thinking about how long this is going to take – way too long. My busy mum life and trying to keep up with my blogging is taking up a lot of my time. Making time for me is getting less achievable when I think like this.
The feeling I’m having that I really want to be rid of first is the not believing in my ability to get the results that I want. What results? The results I need to be able to fit into some of my old clothes. I don’t have skinny jeans that I used to fit into. I’ve actually always found it hard to find a good fit with any type of pants.
But I own some pieces of clothing that since becoming a mum has made me look like an overgrown balloon. I like them so much that I want to lose that muffin top that I never had before so that I can wear them comfortably again. I want to be able to walk around and not feel all my fatty parts wobbling with every step. And so I’m still questioning myself. I know what I want but I do not believe in myself enough to achieve it.
I don’t wear shorts. In this photo I wore them purely for the reason of having a ‘before photo’ for my fitness journey.
This week I’ve exercised about 4 times. I’ve been able to do it all with my children there trying to exercise with me or riding their bikes. However, for some reason I haven’t felt the adrenalin rush that I usually do. I could blame it on the cold that I caught off my boys and the triple cold sore epidemic that is living on my face. Yes believe it or not it started with one on top of my lip, then one on my lip, then one below my lip *sobbing*.
But I know it’s more emotional. It’s self-doubt. I’m questioning myself because I can’t see a change. Yes I’m being unrealistic. I want to see results straight away. And I know that I should be realistic and I shouldn’t be hasty. But at the moment I’m struggling to be realistic about my goal to achieve a fit and healthy curvy mummy body.
I don’t go out much. If I do it’s usually a family outing. So I’ve become accustomed to wearing casual clothes very often. When I try on my nicer going out kind of outfits I get the shock of my life when they don’t fit how I expect them to. So In two weeks it’s Father’s Day for us Australians. I have no idea what I’m going to wear for this occasion. And it’s not because I have so much to choose from. It’s because I hate how I fit into things that do just fit my current body.
I told a friend of mine recently that once my baby bear and I are done with our breastfeeding partnership that I can lock in a date to go out for dinner maybe. I haven’t locked anything in, not with her, or anybody else. Because I don’t know what I would wear, or I know that whatever I wear I’m not going to be happy with it.
I’m questioning myself even as I write this. Can I really do this? Can I lose enough weight to fit into some of my old clothes again? This year I bought a few items to get me by – fat items. I was happy with my purchases, but not anymore.
So this week I’ve been more focused on my body image. I’ve focused so much that my thoughts have switched back to negativity. I’m unable to push myself back into positive thinking. I don’t know what I need to do other than get rid of this self-doubt. But how do I do this? Maybe it will just come to me. What do you suggest I do? I haven’t given up that’s one thing I can be proud of. But boy have I been so close to it so many times this week.
Questioning myself, and questioning you – my readers. How can I believe in myself again?
Have you read my first instalment of My Fitness Journey from last week yet? Here’s the link for you!