They say when you stop wanting and searching for that missing piece in your life it will just fall into your lap. Or arms, or hands, or basket…or whatever is suited for that little bit of something you long for. In a nutshell that’s how my first pregnancy came about. My second baby wasn’t easy to brew either. I was in my mid-thirties and trying to conceive, I became my own enemy with over doing the googling about the statistics.
My journey of trying to conceive wasn’t the smoothest of sailing. But one thing I kept reminding myself was that there are others in the same boat. And there
are others in boats with higher tides. No matter what seas you sail to become a parent, each voyage is unique. I also don’t like to think there is an ending. Because with or without a baby in the picture there is a story to tell and it lives within us forever.
Like most girls I used to imagine what it would be like married with children. I am the youngest of ten. Yes, my family is big. Old fashioned with strict values…Yes. Did I want a big family like that too…definitely not!!! My older siblings started marrying and having babies when I was still very much a child myself. I was just over 2 years of age when I first became an aunt. Of course I had no idea of my new status then, I was only a toddler.
During my childhood my nieces and nephews were more like cousins for me – or friends. But as I approached my late teens my mindset became different. As I matured I took more interest in the ever increasing number of grandchildren my parents had. I started to offer help in looking after the little ones and learning about the role of the mother.
Becoming a mum for girls in my generation wasn’t on the top of the list of what we wanted to achieve. When I finished my secondary education most of the girls I knew were not planning on marriage and family too soon. However, my background and the strict atmosphere I was brought up in didn’t fit in well with my friend’s lifestyles. I dare say that some had thought that as soon as I was out of school I’d be married and popping the babies out. This was far from my thoughts and reach. And in fact, I was single for a very, very, long time.
I’ve held onto a lot of the old fashioned values that my parents taught me. For me to have babies I had to be married first. Even though these days we don’t frown on people that don’t take the steps in this order. So in my late twenties I started to worry if I would ever meet a man I could call my husband. Having children seemed more out of reach every time my birthday came around again. I just kept getting older with no hope of a future like the one I wanted. Then out of nowhere, I was 31, we met, fell in love…this all led to marriage and the ultimate…starting a family.
Starting a family was something we both wanted. However, it was a slow process and disheartening at most times. Trying to conceive became a huge hurdle and it wasn’t easy for us.
When my husband and I were ready to start a family it didn’t happen as fast as we expected, or hoped. I set off to question the quality of my fertility with my own assumptions. I was 34. Apparently this was not the prime age for trying to conceive. Plus, I wasn’t far from the age of where pregnancy is deemed to come in tow with lots of risks for both mother and baby.
I was convinced that my biological clock was out of its tick-tock. We went through months of disappointment. Aunt Flo was not my favourite Aunt at all…but really is she ever?
Hubby is so much more laid back and relaxed when I’m tied up in a knot. I stressed and fretted over the possibility of infertility. He looked at the bright side and always tried to cheer me up. It would work momentarily. But a few months into ‘trying to conceive’ I was at my doctor’s for a general check-up. I asked the question. Why is it taking so long to get pregnant? Answer: It is normal for most couples to take up to two years to conceive. Whaaaaaaaatt??? This answer wasn’t enough for me. I threw another one at her. What kind of tests can you do to check fertility? Well, she explained and offered me a referral for a blood test. It was to check my ovulation pattern or something like that.
I got home and shoved it into a drawer somewhere. My decision was to ignore this test. But then again maybe I should do it. But no I don’t want to. What if the result isn’t what I’m looking for?
I stopped the stressing, kind of. My emotions were testing me. I noticed this at last and could see how I was putting pressure on myself physically and mentally. The stress just wasn’t helping me gain what I wanted and in fact may have been the main factor that was holding me down. I attempted to clear my thoughts and shifted them into the positive aspects of my life at the time. And so I became grateful for everything that I had. I started to appreciate all of my surroundings and the love that I had been blessed with in my marriage.
If I was not meant to have babies then I was happy that I was meant to have my man.
I’m late…but I’m feeling cramps, very strong cramps. I can’t be.
Is this how it feels?
I was sick and left work early for the day. Went past my parents to let my mum know I was going home early. Then on my way home I took a detour. I needed tissues for my runny nose. But I sneakily decided to browse the ladies personal hygiene aisle. I just had a gut feeling. Yes, I bought a home pregnancy test.
Hubby wasn’t going to be home too soon. I couldn’t wait and so I just read the instructions. I did the test without looking – easier said than done yeah ladies? Put it aside and waited for the amount of time it said to in the leaflet. Came back, saw the two lines and couldn’t believe it.
My conceiving and fertility issues were a figment of my imagination. So there wasn’t anything wrong with my biological clock after all…!
Patience and being content within me is all that I needed. It took us the same amount to conceive a baby as it does to carry a full term baby. Yes, in 9 months of trying to conceive I found myself carrying my first baby bear. It wasn’t a result of trying different things or seeking medical intervention. It just happened.
Our first journey into learning about conceiving and fertility was one of the toughest things I’ve ever been through. For me trying to conceive was a struggle. Struggles are tests that we can’t study for and they make us who we are. This piece about my story of trying to conceive is not only for my blog. Firstly, it’s to share it with you, my readers; and secondly, for my children. For my story could not be if it weren’t for my babies. This is for them to see when they are old enough to want to know about it.
Click Here to read about how the changes I experienced in Motherhood
And if you or someone you know are trying to conceive click here for a useful article that popped up in one of my google searches… There is so much to think about pre-baby making. Make sure you do plenty of research before you reach mum-to-be status. The baby brain myth is not a myth. I am living proof!!!